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| Jul 31, 2005 7:13 pm |
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re: re: Susan: re: How Do YOu Get What YOu Want From a Man (or Woman) |
Danielle Bailey
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RE: Danielle: I cried when I read your post! This is really the hardest thing to find - a man that will love you back as much as you love them! I'm an affectionate thing and thrive on hugs - give my dear business associates and friends warm hugs - guys just seem to show "affection" when...
Ah, I'm a huge hugger too. I'm probably overly affectionate - which may be why I've been in love but never felt loved till Don. I can never understand why someone will say they love you but then don't want to hold hands or whatever. We hold hands in the car, sitting on the couch watching tv, whatever. When we go grocery shopping together if I'm pushing the buggy he'll have his hand on my back or something or if we're standing in the kitchen he'll wrap his arms around me and stand behind me.
A friend of mine, who was recently trying (but didn't I'm afraid) to save her marriage from divorce got a book called the languages of love or something similar. I'll have to go look it up. Anyhoo, in the book it says that most people feel love or give love in one of five ways - one was physical affection (they love to hug), etc. Here - just for you guys I went to look it up.
*Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
*Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Learn to have a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Take time to have fun together. Do things you each enjoy; explore new activities together.
*Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.
*Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.
*Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Anyway, we sortof figured out that Don and I both show love through service and affection. He and I both love doing little things for each other and hugging/holding hands. Not everyone shows love that way or feels comfy with it. You may have a mate who isn't a hand holder, and that's fine, but by going to work every day and making sure the bills are paid and your car's tires are the right inflation, they're showing an amazing amount of love. But some people have a hard time recognizing that as love or undervalue it because it's not how THEY show or feel love.
Anyway, I haven't read the book itself, but it really seemed to make a lot of sense. If you find out how your mate shows/feels love the best, it helps with communication on both ends and once you recognize that maybe paying bills is your mates way of saying "You're mine and I want to protect you because I love you" then you'll see and feel a different sort of hug :)
Anyway - I didnt mean to ramble on so, but I thought this might be helpful if anyone isn't feeling as much love as they'd like. Maybe take the time to ask yourself - what makes me feel really really loved? What do I do to show that I really really love someone? What makes my mate really feel loved by me? Sometimes we may think that if we compliment our mate they'll know how much we love them but they really get melted over a new pack of underwear or even a drawer full of matched socks. (Don't ask) Ya just gotta take the time to find out :)
Oh - my point in writing this in response to Susan - I think that Don and I just sortof mesh on this whole thing - it wasn't something we ever had to work out - we were insanely lucky that way. But after hearing my friend talk about this book I think I understand why we mesh so well.
Best wishes,
Danielle
Private Reply to Danielle Bailey (new win) |
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