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| Aug 19, 2005 11:13 am |
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re: re: Step-parenting tips |
Sue T.
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Ann,
I was a step parent to my daughters, Fathers two children. His ex was... how shall we say? Severly self absorbed money hungry and selfish. :) She intruded on every aspect of my life ... it was intolerable.
What I'm thinking is that you and hubby need to establish the rules of "your own home" together. To me, it's his responsibility to place them in effect with his ex-wife. If that doesn't work, you can call her, as I did with this other woman and have a woman to woman talk. Providing you're dealing with a rational individual who you can talk to and come to a resolution.
One key thing, for myself, that I learned was... not to get mad "for" your husband about what the ex is pulling. Not to say that anyone should be angry yet in the same breath, what will happen, and I'm not 100% sure why this is, he will defend her or sometimes resort to silence to keep the peace. Let him get upset or bothered by it. Really you have no control over any other place than your own home...
For myself, I want someone who follows my lead with my daughter. If they happen to see something that they would not do themselves, I want any discussions about that to be done privately. A child will pit one parent against another. I've seen it and they are very skillful at it. The two of you would be better served showing a united front in front of both your daughter and his kids as well.
Kids are "great" manipulators. I remember when Heathers dad told his other two children that I was leaving, and taking the dog and my cats with me... they didn't show sadness right away... know what they did?
They asked for a dog and a cat now that Sue was going to be gone.... Children are very cunning in divorce situations...All of the adults have to be on the same page. If that is impossible, to me then the guidelines in your own home have to be clear and have to be stuck to...
This is all suggestions, and each situation is different. Thoughts for early morning...
Sue T.
p.s. Also, sometimes the children have this dream in their minds that they're parents will get back together and when one parent remarries and then the other... that dream gets shattered. Even if they didn't talk about it.
Private Reply to Sue T. (new win) |
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