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| Oct 20, 2005 5:11 pm |
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re: Why Some Married Women Have Affairs.... |
Marielena Alvarez
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Probably for some of the same reasons as our male counterparts. Then again there are folks who stay married because of the rules of their religion (time for some serious research and counseling, perhaps outside your faith). Any religion must take into account there are valid reasons to divorce, like incest, abuse, but abandonment of the marriage bed is also valid. A man has a duty to meet the sexual needs of his wife as well as being her protector, provider and father of her children. Staying married because of the kids is not always valid and I believe that sometimes a healthy divorce is better than a lousy marriage, a horrible environment in which to bring up children. Think of the message you are sending to your children. They will want anything but what they grew up with! When pne parent is abusing another, the children learn how to manipulate the weaker parent and the cycle continues.
I had an ex that didn't want sex very often, it dwindled to nothing, then he decided he didn't even want to share a bed anymore. This, after eight years of marriage and much soul searching on my part. Time to look elsewhere if they refuse to go to counseling (go by yourself) or even discuss their lack of libido, with you or a physician. My ex was a smoker, from what I am told that is a libido killer, he had promised to quit and never followed through.
We have an amicable relationship now, but at one point I had to tell him "You need to get a life" because I already have one. I told him "I didn't get married to be a nun." We were merely housemates at one point and he refused to change. I eventually got him to sign a separation agreement and bought a townhouse of my own. Once you have a separation agreement in place, you can then legally behave as a single person, at least in Maryland.
When you are sexually incompatible, it leads to problems. We had lived together for a year before getting married, and because no insurmountable problems occurred, I married him. You will both continue to change, but you can also grow apart. After marriage he changed for the worst. He preferred to tune me out in a disagreement so there went communication . . .
I prefer open and honest communication, which is what I have found in a polyamorous relationship with two great guys, one of which is also involved with another female. Polyamory is not swinging (which is strictly sexual, no relationships with others), and is a viable alternative to monogamy.
There is no jealousy, except when the other gal gets more time with him than I'm getting! We do not live together, everyone has their own place. The men are as different as night and day, each connects with me on different levels and I get my needs met in many areas, not just the physical stuff. I have a relationship with them both and am getting to know the other female better, but there is nothing sexual between us. Both men enjoy holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc. One of my requisites! One likes chick flicks and one doesn't; one is into sports, like golf and football, the other has never asked to watch the game at my house. They both have children, one has two girls ages three and six; the other has teens, a son 15 and a daughter 13. I have met the teens, but not the little ones (but then I've been seeing him for less than six months). Private Reply to Marielena Alvarez (new win) |
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