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| | The Love, Marriage, Relationships Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | Seeking input | Views: 374 | | Aug 28, 2005 10:14 pm | | Seeking input | # | 
Ken Lee | | It was a godsend for me to find this network, particularly today. For networks to be really successful, I believe there is a give and receive process so, having given, I would now like to receive.
First, I should tell you about me. I am 59, a heart patient who was told by Drs that I would die 5 years ago. My health restricts my work options greatly so I find myself taking the best ones available to me. That means that I do not have much security to bring to the table in a relationship because my stamina and energy are very low.
I have tossed this back and forth since 2002, my last divorce. At the time, I told my pastor he could count on two things. First, would not die alone and second that I would not give this last woman another chance. Then I progressed to the point that I could live alone if that was God's plan for me.
Now I am at the point that I am tired of being alone but believe I do not have anything but me to offer a relationship.
So, here is the question and I would appreciate your thoughts. Now to get more quickly to the point, if you were me would you simply give up and wait out your years?
KenPrivate Reply to Ken Lee | | Aug 28, 2005 11:02 pm | | re: Seeking input | # | 
Sandra Harmon | | Ken,
Let's cut to the chase. Is this only about your ill health and your limited financial security? ARe you asking if a woman would want you under these circumstances? Because if that is what you are saying, then my answer is "yes" and my advice is to take the plunge and go for another relationship; hopefully one that will take you to the end of your days, however long that is. Not that anyone has a guarantee of long life, not you, not I, not anyone.
Finances a problem? Well of course we would all like to be young, rich, beautiful and healthy, but most of us are not all four. Yet we still can love and be loved.
Come on, Ken. How about having someone take a great picture of you, and put it on the internet along with a great profile. I'll bet you'll find hundreds of women whom you might like and you might like you. And you can have lots of fun discovering the next love of your life.
If the internet isnt for you, how about church? I'll bet there are a few cuties around that you already know or whom someone could introduce you to.
You are still young, Ken and you can find a loving mate if you believe in yourself. I am sure you have much to offer the right woman. So get positive, get it together and get out there. I really don't think God has a plan for you to be alone, unless that is your desire.
And please let us know your progress.
Sandy Harmon
Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Aug 28, 2005 11:18 pm | | re: re: Seeking input | # |
Sandra Harmon | | Ken,
I just thought I would repeat myself for good measure. You deserve to love and be loved. Please believe in yourself and in what I am saying. If you need advice and help, I am here in a professional capacity as a Love, Sex, Dating and Relationship Coach and also in a non professional capacity as the leader of this forum. And I know that all the other members of Love, Marriage, Relationships are very decent, caring and intelligent people who will be around to encourage you if and when you need a little extra push.
xxxx
Sandy HarmonPrivate Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Aug 29, 2005 5:00 am | | re: Seeking input | # | 
Marilyn Jenett | |
Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
~ Henry FordPrivate Reply to Marilyn Jenett | | Aug 30, 2005 3:54 pm | | re: re: Seeking input | # |
Ken Lee | | Hi Marilyn and Sandra,
I thank you for your comments. There was a missed communication on my part tho. It is not that I doubt that I can be in a relationship again or that I want one. The question really is, "Is it fair to the woman?".
Without getting into the ugly details, my first post is full of road sigs as to my state of being and I think what I really want to know is if those obstacles would be too great to hope for a woman to accept.
Ken Private Reply to Ken Lee | | Aug 30, 2005 4:24 pm | | re: re: re: Seeking input | # | 
Alan Zibluk | | Hi Ken:
Let's turn the question around as I do think I know where
you are coming from.
If you met a woman that you like being with and that
woman suddenly had some health issues, would you be there
for her?
I do have a story that I do think is funny to share. My
uncle is a widower. He has a new girlfriend but has said
on numerous occasions it is not serious because she has
too many health issues (his wife did die of cancer). He
passed out once (needed a pacemaker) and she was there to
take care of him. One never knows.
Alan
Private Reply to Alan Zibluk | | Aug 30, 2005 4:27 pm | | re: re: re: Seeking input | # |
Sandra Harmon | | Depends on the woman. Why not get out there and find out for yourself. We all bring our assets and our liabilities to our relationships. There are no perfect people. When we put ourselves, out, we risk rejection. But rejection is not fatal.
There is no such thing as "fair". Every relationship is different. If you bring the best you have to the relationship, and you put your cards on the table, than that is fair.
So get on the bus, Gus. If not now, then when?
Sandy Harmon Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Aug 30, 2005 7:48 pm | | re: Seeking input | # | 
Ernie Martin | | Ken, I suggest to be comfortable with yourself first and develop that inner strength and the desire and inspiration to live day by day.
It's nice to have someone as a partner or wife, but that will come only when you have the strength and confidence. I also suggest personal counseling and coping with lonliness.
Unless you are looking for selfless and altruistic woman who can devote her entire life for you, the chances for finding such a love is very slim.
In our society many women seek security and stability in a relationship which also includes financial independence.
If possible connect with your family loved ones and share laughter and stories with them. Even close friends will do.
ErniePrivate Reply to Ernie Martin | | Aug 30, 2005 9:36 pm | | re: re: re: Seeking input | # |
KerryF | | Hi Ken,
You know what? As long as you are upfront about your health and financial issues when the relationship gets deep enough to share that kind of info then you should just go for it and let the women decide if they're up for the challenge.
My father-in-law was widowed a handfull of years ago. All of his children (except for my husband) are a pack of blood sucking, money grubbing babies (although they're all adults). His health is not great. He is severly over weight and is prone to heart disease. He is also a used car salesman making nearly nothing.
I NEVER thought he would find anyone else who would put up with all the trouble and baggage he comes with. NEVER! Who in their right mind would take him and his family on?! Who would help support him while he makes nearly nothing every day. Who would take him on once they knew everything about what he did (or didn't) bring to the relationship?
Well, a year and a half ago he found a wonderful woman. She not only did NOT mind his messed up children, but she's helped to teach them a little bit about self support. She's also helped him with his health issues, convincing him to lose weight, stop drinking soda and start walking. She doesn't mind one bit that she makes $70,000 a year and he makes about $25,000 a year.
She is totally supportive of him and his family. She has been a God send for him. I am very thankful he put himself back on the market and ran into this wonderful woman.
You should do the same thing. If you want companionship, then you deserve companionship. Go for it!
Kerry Flinders
Author of Organizing With NO Budget!
http://www.organizinghelp4u.com
Network Leader of Organinizing Boot Camp
http://obc-network.ryze.comPrivate Reply to KerryF | | Aug 30, 2005 9:49 pm | | re: re: re: re: Seeking input | # |
Sandra Harmon | |
Ken, Kerry is right. And same thing is true if there is a sexual issue. When the time is right, put it on the table (the issue, not your...oh you know what I mean). Love is about a lot of different things. And companionship and caring can be simply delicious.
Sandy Harmon Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Aug 31, 2005 1:16 am | | re: re: re: re: re: Seeking input | # |
Marilyn Jenett | |
What a great thread and remarkable advice from all - and Kerrie and Alan - perfect stories!
It appears to me that you have gotten an answer, Ken.
MarilynPrivate Reply to Marilyn Jenett | | Aug 31, 2005 9:23 pm | | re: re: Seeking input | # | 
Danielle Bailey | | Ken -
Please remember that not all women are looking for someone to support and outlive them. I'm always amazed at how many men think a woman only cares about whether or not the man can provide them with a castle. There are SO MANY women out there who are natural nurturers - they want to be in a relationship where they are valued and needed, where they count, where they are more than arm candy. So many women want a guy who makes them laugh and makes them feel happy, safe, and loved - and they're more than happy to deal with less than a perfect 6 pack on the abs and 6 figures in the bank.
My mom has cared for my dad for 35 years. For the last 15 he's been on disability and here for the last few months she's been changing IVs 3x a day, changing hospital bedsheets (the bed is smack in the middle of their greatroom), portable toilet, helping him get in and out of their vehicle, lugging around this amazingly heavy wheelchair, pushing him when needed, and just generally loving him now more than ever. She doesn't mind one bit. She loves HIM.
Never underestimate women. We'll blow your mind.
Danielle
Private Reply to Danielle Bailey | | Sep 01, 2005 3:39 am | | re: Seeking input | # |
Ken Lee | | I want to thank all of you for your thoughts. Many of them I have already covered but there were some new ones so again, thank you
Ken Private Reply to Ken Lee | | Sep 01, 2005 4:30 pm | | re: re: re: Seeking input | # | 
Claudia Meydrech | | Wow Danielle, That is beautiful...my feeble Mom is doing the same thing for my Dad right now with some needed help from outside. We are blessed to have such great examples of love in our lives. I was going to post something to help but after reading what everyone here has said, couldn't think of another thing to add, because SOOO many good things have already been said. BE HAPPY KEN, if you are honest from the get-go, and pray that God will provide the right person for you, He will give you just what you need. Leave what's past behind, and enjoy one day at a time. Let us know when you've posted your description about yourself - if you do :-) Claudia DirectMatches ~ Another way to meet that special someone or promote your business ~ Try it free! Private Reply to Claudia Meydrech | | |
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