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| | The Love, Marriage, Relationships Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | Men and Sleep | Views: 632 | | May 13, 2006 11:49 am | | Men and Sleep | # |
Kathy V. | | Ok. This is a question I've always wondered about. Are men wired differently about sleep too? It always seemed to me that my ex thought sleep was more important than anything else. If he was sleepy, he had to sleep. If we had issues to discuss, he would sleep first, and want to "discuss" things later.....while I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd like to talk things over. When I had to be in another town, and we dated long-distance, I often called late because of the time difference. But we often wouldn't be able to talk long because he wanted to go to sleep. I try to understand how getting enough sleep is important to him, but I can't help feeling disappointed sometimes when he chooses sleep and leaves things hanging in the air. Now, is this a typical thing for guys....and do any of you girls have had this similar problem?
In highschool, I used to talk to my friends for hours throughout the night...and sleep didn't seem that important for them. If I had a problem, they would stay up and listen.
Love to hear comments....
KatPrivate Reply to Kathy V. | | May 13, 2006 2:00 pm | | re: Men and Sleep | # | 
Chris Janssen | | Kat-
I think sleep is one of those things that is different by individual, not necessarily along gender lines. I think differernt people need different amounts of sleep based on their pysiology and their background.
For example, I usually live on about 6-7 hours of sleep a night regularly. I sometimes need a little more than that especially if I'm a little ill or been pushing it hard, but 6-7 hours is the norm. I can go on less for a few days. My wife is very similar except she will go on even less sleep that that for a few days and then hit the wall so to speak and spend much more than that sleeping one night.
When we were dating about an hour away, it was not unusual for one of us to make the trip to see each other and not get home until 1 or 2 am and then get up at 6-7 for work. (Many people do crazy things while dating I've concluded!)
Ok...cutting this long posting a little short...bottom line...I don't think sleep is a gender issue but rather an individual issue. Some people just need more sleep than others.
Take care,
Chris
Private Reply to Chris Janssen | | May 13, 2006 5:37 pm | | re: Men and Sleep | # |
Shweta Gurjar | | Hi,
Well, I know how dufficult it must be having a long distance relationship, esp since, all the conversation is electronic i.e. either chat or telephone.
Well, I think men cant handle serious discussions and mostly, need a reason to back out. In your case, there is a possibilty that he may need a reason to cut the discussion short. I think if a man really cared about solving things out...he'd give up on his sleep.
I think you need to judge by obeserving keenly, if it's genuine sleep or an excuse sleep
Regards,
Shweta Private Reply to Shweta Gurjar | | May 13, 2006 7:14 pm | | re: re: Men and Sleep | # | 
Sandra Harmon | | I am mainly going to address the females on this forum, especially those of you who think that if a man really loved you, he would give up his sleep in order to have deep discussions with you, or as a way to prove his love...
Yes, it is true that for the most part, women like to talk and talk about emotional issues and the minutia of their relationship with their men and men are not prone to do this. However, if a man wants to sleep, it has nothing to do with how much he loves you. Nor is it necessarily a way to avoid talking to you, although it might be a way to shut you up if you are going on and on about something that he doesnt want to get into, especially late at night when all he does want to do is sleep and not talk and talk on the phone, or with you next to him in bed.
It certainly is true that males and females are different. But sleep is not an issue here. The issue is communication.
You learn to pick your times to communicate about issues of importance to you. You need to ask your man if this is the right time to talk and if not now, when would it be a good time to talk. If he says, not now, accept that it's not now. If he tells you when then wait until then and talk. Don't argue, don't criticize, dont get mean or angry and dont nag. Attempt to say how you feel and ask him to work it out so you feel better. If he doesn't want to talk, either at the moment, or at a later time, think twice about the relationship. You either need to change your communication or change your man.
But please stop thinking that loves solves all problems and "if he really loved me he would"....... Get real and begin to negotiate your wants and needs with your man in a healthy and grown up way. Then you will never have to say, "If he loved me he would." In other words, its less important to judge your man, and more important to learn how to negotiate your needs in a healthy and loving and successful manner so your relationship grows and gets more loving as the years go on. Otherwise the two of you will be on a collision course
Sandy Harmon
Your Love Coach
http://www.sandraharmon.com
Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | May 15, 2006 5:29 pm | | re: re: re: Men and Sleep | # | 
Danielle Bailey | | I have to agree with several points here - the need for sleep isn't gender specific. My hubby is a morning bird and I'm a night owl. We both like about the same number of hours of sleep overall, we just like them at different times. I prefer to sleep late, he prefers to hit the hay early. But if he tries to talk to me before 8am on a weekend morning, he's not getting a coherent response. Chances are, I won't even remember him talking to me. (Ask him how many times he's asked me if I wanted something from the store on one of his early bird trips and I've said no only to fuss later because he didnt get something I absolutely needed!).
Sandra is right - people communicate differently. Instead of thinking 'if he really loved me he'd give up his sleep' turn things around - if you really loved him you'd want his very best, and you're never going to get that when he's worn out and cranky. Otherwise, you're not giving him a chance to show you his real self and you're forcing the relationship to fail.
If it's really important, it will keep until you're both refreshed. If it's really important, you'll think about it before the middle of the night anyway. Set an appointment with him for discussions if that helps. We have 'family meeting' times now, even if it's only the family heads who are meeting.
Best wishes,
Danielle
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