|
|  |
| |
|
| | The Love, Marriage, Relationships Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | day 10 - how to attract the right man! | Views: 792 | | Aug 31, 2006 6:08 pm | | day 10 - how to attract the right man! | # | 
Sandra Harmon | | SANDRA HARMON, YOUR LOVE COACH, www.sandraharmon.com
,
A good beginning almost always guarantees a good ending.
HOW MEN FALL IN LOVE
Only a masculine man falls in love. A feminine woman doesn't. She must already be in love with herself. Then, when a man proposes to her, she will be able to consider how and what he can add to her life. If you are a healthy, feminine energy woman, you're self centered. You love yourself more than you love any man. Then you share that love with your masculine energy man and your loved ones.
A man cannot fall in love with a woman who is not already in love with herself. He can't fall in love with a woman because she is sexy, rich, a good executive or a good housekeeper. He can only fall in love with her level of virtue. A man projects a virtuous image on the woman he wants to marry. When a woman falls from grace and gives a man causal sex, in his mind, he thinks, "If I can get her that cheaply, other men will too".
TWO OUT OF THREE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
Sometimes a masculine man will make two out of three promises, a two-thirds commitment. If you get continuity and longevity, he's probably having sex with other women.. If you get sexual exclusivity and continuity but don't get longevity, you're looking at a short romance. He may not yet be ready for a monogamous relationship that would lead to marriage.
Men play on women's fantasies that "he" loves the same way "she" loves, but he does not. Many women act as though it were a man's responsibility help a woman be a woman. But a masculine man's nature dictates that he get his needs met. If a woman wants to "give in" to him, whey shouldn't he accept?
A masculine energy man must love his feminine energy woman better than himself, or he'll use and abuse her if she allows it. If you can learn to say "no", you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you can never be used by a man.
In the past, men felt a moral obligation to marry. These days, men "respect" a woman's ability to be independent. They see a woman as equal to casual sex the way they are; therefore, they feel no need to protect us, even from themselves. Only when masculine men get hungry for the best women will they will make a deal and settle down. It is the woman's job to set the parameters for the deal.
A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO CAPTURE
Even when a feminine woman is ready to negotiate a commitment, she often finds that her man is not. Women have to be patient. They have to be anchored in their own self-love. However, when a masculine man does surrender and marries he puts up his money and status and takes on the responsibility not only of his woman, but of everybody she loves.
TALK BEFORE TOUCHING
My personal belief is that a couple should wait until they can see each other as whole people, imperfections and all, before they consummate their relationship. Compatibility, chemistry and good communication skills are the friendship quotient in a relationship. When a woman feels her man is a dear friend before making love, she is safer in her choice. It is not good enough for a man and woman to have good sex together; they must also feel safe as friends together. Talking things out before sex allows both people to be grounded in human values.
Life is often painful, but it need not be hurtful. We determine our reactions to pain. Healthy men and women handle life's broken dreams without hurting themselves or others. Time heals all wounds when you remain rational and balanced.
FIVE SECRETS OF FINDING THE RIGHT MAN
l. CHOSE TO BE RESPECTED OR CHERISHED
You've got to know who you are before you can exchange what you've got. In every relationship, there can be only one respect leader and one cherished follower, at least in the beginning, until a commitment has been negotiated. Choose whether you want to be the giving/male or the receiving/female, regardless of your anatomy. Whatever you choose, have integrity.
2. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FEELINGS, NOT HIS
If you choose the female energy role, you must pay attention to your feelings. Avoid what you don't want. Feminine energy must feel good to do well. (Masculine energy must do good to feel good). Don't rationalize away negative feelings, no matter who tells you to. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Honor your body.
3. FLIRT TO ATTRACT
If you want to attract a male, you must be seen as a sex object. Take care of your body, dress sensuously, fix your hair and makeup, and go where men are. Catch his eye, and signal your interest and availability (the Five-Second Flirt Technique) so he won't be afraid to approach you. Smile, don't talk. If you speak first, you're the better man.
4. YOU NEED CHEMISTRY, COMPATIBILITY, AND COMMUNICATION
You need all three, but they don't have to be perfect. Chemistry is a body-to-body reaction. Enjoy it, but don't consummate too soon. Communicate first to investigate compatibility, in order to separate your fantasy projection from reality. He could be crazy, married, or a "little boy". Once the bodies take over, it's hard to negotiate compatibility or even learn to communicate.
5. NO SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT
Most females become bonded the male with whom they have a sexual relationship, so unless you're "man" enough for casual sex, negotiate the commitment before making love. Find out in advance whether he'll pay the "entrance fee", which is exclusivity, continuity and longevity. Remember, men fall in love with your virtue, not your body.
I hope you have enjoyed this e-course on "How to Find the RIGHT Man". An e-course or a book is usually not enough, so make sure you visit my web site, http://www.sandraharmon.com and sign up for my results oriented coaching programs. You will get first hand support and advice that will make you a winner in the game of love!
Talk to you soon!
Sandra Harmon
Sandra@sandraharmon.com - 310-474-5999
http://www.sandraharmon.comr
copywrite-Sandra Harmon - 2005Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Sep 19, 2006 2:13 pm | | re: Day 10 - How To Attract The RIGHT Man! | # | 
Dina Giolitto, WordFeeder.com | | Hi Sandra,
I took some time off from working this morning to read your Attraction Series (because it's always good to brush up on one's attraction skills even if one is not "on the market").
I've been reading these e-courses slowly and thoroughly enjoying them. Your advice makes good sense!
However, I am mystified by two things:
First, you said:
Only a masculine man falls in love. A feminine woman doesn't. She must already be in love with herself. Then, when a man proposes to her, she will be able to consider how and what he can add to her life. If you are a healthy, feminine energy woman, you're self centered. You love yourself more than you love any man. Then you share that love with your masculine energy man and your loved ones.
So, are you saying here that women are "designed" to be selfish? That's what it sounds like; and I for one find that disheartening.
Second, I think I need help figuring out the masculine and feminine roles. Can you be the masculine one some of the time, and the feminine the rest? Can a man be protective and yet also be passive (meaning, lack of initiative), and if so, which is he - the masculine or feminine force?
If the woman is "expected" to initiate the sex and she doesn't want to, but she initiates it anyway because if she didn't then there wouldn't BE any sex... is she feminine or masculine?
Dina Private Reply to Dina Giolitto, WordFeeder.com | | Sep 25, 2006 11:19 am | | re: re: Day 10 - How To Attract The RIGHT Man! | # |
Sandra Harmon | | Hi Dina,
Thanks for taking the time to read the entire Attraction Series. I will attempt to respond to your quesions. However, everything is explained better and in great detail in my book, "Getting To I Do".
I know we have had discussions about some of these topics before, about yourself and your parents and I remember some of the issues.
We are all "ambisexual". That means we are all both male and female, no matter what our gender. The sexual revolution and womens liberation brought that awareness to society. Previous to that, we all took roles, either male or female in order to have a proper place in society, i.e. men went to work and women stayed home and raised children.
The premise of my philosophy is that there can be only one primary male and one primary female in each relationship and in order to have a successful, loving and erotic relationship, you need to CHOOSE to be either the primary male or female in the relationship and it doesnt matter what your genitals are. However, whatever you choose to be, you must pick a complimentary opposite as your mate. So Dina, you could choose to be the "male" in the relationship, but then you have to be with a primarily "female" opposite. If you choose to be the "female", then you need to be with a primary "male" However, the male and female roles within in relationship do flow and change between the partners, but always through communication, not by whim because that confuses the other person and leads to conflict.
I am not saying that a woman is "designed" to be selfish. Quite the contrary. I am saying that it is healthier for a woman who chooses to be the "feminine" energy in a relationship to be self centered, which is not "selfish" Dont confuse the two. Too many women fall in love and immediately begin to give, give, give to the man. They assume that means they are a loving woman, and they assume that if they give enough, a man will give back the love and devotion they want. But the man doesnt give back; usually he takes. Men dont fall in love when they are being taken care of by a woman. They fall in love when they are being men; Doing, not being done for. Many women begin to act like mothers to their men. That is wrong. Men dont fall in love with their mothers, at least not romantically and sexually. They just become like little boys, and take.
I believe that in a successful relationship, men give, and women give back, but always less than they get. Its better for the romantic, erotic aspect of the relationship for the long term. But I am not talking about being "selfish" which is a word you in particular, dina, dont want to associate with love. I am talking about loving yourself first and not allowing anyone to use or abuse you in any way.
If you have trouble figuring out the masculine and feminine roles, that is absolutely natural. Most of us do. Its a choice. You can be masculine some of the time and feminine other times, but usually not in a relationship, at least during the bonding phase. You cant have two males and two females in the relationship at the same time. It makes for conflict.
If a man is protective and also passive, he is being neither the male or the female but narcissistic. Which means he wants to be what he wants to be when he wants to be it and his partner has to pick up his slack. This is confusing to his mate and will usually make for conflict.
If a woman is "expected" to initiate sex and doesnt want to but she initiates it anyway because if she didnt then there wouldnt BE any sex, it sounds like she is the feminine energy who is mismatched with a feminine energy man, which is why she is "expected" to initiate sex but doesnt want to. In other words, it sounds to me as if the man in this relationship wants to be the "masculine" but when it comes to sex, he prefers to be "feminine".
So, to answer your question, sounds like you are talking about a feminine woman who is expected to initiate sex with her feminine man, or else she doesnt have sex. This doesnt speak well to me for the future of this relationship. Anytime you are doing something, especially sex, that you dont really want to be doing, you are hurting yourself and the relationship. In this case, you must be self centered and not do what doesnt feel good. The result of your not initiating sex if it doesnt feel right to you is that he will begin to initiate sex in order to have it, or he wont initiate sex which will lead you to find that you are with the wrong man, at which time you will have to make a decision about the relationship.
By the way, one of the ways to know whether you are best off being the male or the female in the relationship is to ask yourself, would I rather have my thinking respected (male) or my feelings cherished (female) and pick the one which is more important to you, even though I know you want both.
xxxxxx
Sandy Harmon
Private Reply to Sandra Harmon | | Sep 25, 2006 7:19 pm | | re: re: re: Day 10 - How To Attract The RIGHT Man! | # |
Dina Giolitto, WordFeeder.com | | Wow, Sandy. Thanks for the feedback! You've really gone out of your way to consider all my questions, thank you. I have actually thought about that - just refraining from "making the move" and seeing if someone will eventually take matters into his own hands, no pun intended.
I'll let you know if it works. ;)
Good luck with your move - not sure which coast you're on at this point in time.
DinaPrivate Reply to Dina Giolitto, WordFeeder.com | | |
| |
| |
